No, scrub that. I am sure that Lucy is having an affair!
I have been working a lot lately and getting quite stressed out about my job. Spending a lot of time in such splendid cultural metropoli as Reading and Swindon (I have been to pretty much every small town in this country with my work and I think Reading and Swindon between them are joint winners of the 'towns with least character award').
I think this time away has allowed Lucy time to put her adulterous plans into action. Just the other day I came home from a long day on the road and Lucy met me at the door.
'Hi' she said mischievously.
'I have made you something nice for dinner and have tidied the whole house for when you get home'
This has never happened before and I was taken aback. Keen to retain the moral high-ground I made sure that I pointed out that she had forgotten to mop the kitchen floor. I am generous like that, I like to take the time out to help her undertaken her chores properly.
She has made my dinner no less than THREE times this week and has taken me out for a meal and has been nothing but sickeningly nice to me all week. What more evidence does a person need! Now I just need to catch her in the act.
This Friday she sent me an email while I was at work - asking me if I wanted to go climbing and to the gym over the weekend. She said if I wanted I could watch the football with my mates while she did some baking! Watch the football for christs sake! I haven't been allowed to watch football sine about 2003!
I have given everything to her. Supported her when she was short of money. Diligently pointed out where she could make improvements with her housework. Pointed out when she was putting on weight, despite the danger to my personal safety. The list of my sacrifices goes on and on.
And she does this to me. Fobs me off with chocolate and beer while running around behind my back.
To add to it all, I am pretty sure that the people who have moved in next door are KGB.
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7 comments:
Perhaps she's softening you up to break the news that she's pregnant?
Just a guess!
Now it's up to you to do the whole reversed psychology and do stuff that you wouldn't normally do or let her do. That'll teach her to mess with your mind, just see how she reacts :P
I saw this movie once when these dudes were replaced by aliens and then the aliens were trying to replace these other dudes with more aliens. But the other dudes knew that these dudes were aliens because they were acting weird and stuff.
I'm just saying.
Have you checked your climbing equipment recently ?
So good I posted twice
@ Dwayne - That would explain the pink baby clothes and books on how to be a good mother I keep finding round the house.
@ Arjan -What? You want me to start cleaning up now? I a not sure i like the idea.
@ Lee - I think I saw the same movie. A classic.
@ Gary - Thanks, it makes it look like I have a lot of readers. I am pretty sure my ropes are fine (other than those holes that the mice made in them).
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