Does it have to be this difficult???

I wise person once said to me (or at least somebody repeated what somebody else had said) "You only have to know a little more on the subject that the person you are talking to in order to come off as far more knowledgeable". This certainly rings true for my career when I spend most of my time imparting small bits of knowledge to my clients in the hope they don't figure everything out and then do the work themselves.

However there certain subjects which appear to me to be made far more complicated than they need be in order that people who work in that field can make themselves masses of juicy dosh for themselves whether it be by advising and moving money around. At the risk of offending somebody one such area is Tax! (I will keep other ones to myself)

I have recently been offered some contract work by my current company while out in Oz, however I am used to being a happy UK citizen where I get nice HR people sorting my tax issues for me and get sent various forms with P numbers on them which I happily file either in the circular plastic filing box on the floor next to the bin (which is kindly emptied by an old lady with an apron every evening), or in my bottom draw next to the half eaten sandwich section.

Now I have this whole range of tax issues to deal with when setting up as a contractor to a company working in Oz but getting orders from a UK company. Do I pay in the UK? Do I pay in Oz? Do I pay in both? How much do I pay? How do I pay it? Do I need insurance? How do I get paid? arrrrgggghhh Do I need a company name? Do I need a permanent residence? What do I do at the end of the tax year? How do I register as a company? arrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhh Do I need health insurance? aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgggggggg!!

If anybody understands my issues and wants to solve them for me please get in contact.

I'm not Crazy!

Just booked me a flight flight from Denpasar (Bali) to Australia in November over the phone which has cost me an absolute arm and a leg (and a few internal organs). The conversation went something like this:

Me "Hi I'd like to book a flight from Denpasar to Melnbourne, oh... no, actually I want to go to Darwin on the 17th of November"
Them "oh, its going to be a bit expensive as you will have to change in Singapore"
Me "Isnt there a direct flight?"
Them "There is on the 19th"
Me "That'll do"
Them "its booked up I'm afraid"
Me "Oh, what about on other days"
Them "Theyre all booked up"
Me "I'll go to Sydney then, have you got any flights there"
Them "you want to go to Sydney now (note, Sydney and Darwin are 000's of mile apart)? When do you want to go"
Me "I'm not bothered, the cheapest day"
Them "err, how about the 18th"
Me "ok that'l do,"

Following her wierd conversation with a guy who didnt know when or where he wanted to go, the lady seemed somewhat tentative about accepting my credit card.

"I Can't believe I was Second Fattest!"

One of the legendary quotes from my friend Alex on seeing the holiday photos last week. The most unfortunately portly of course being The Tank Dinning - a nickname he cruelly acquired during our Valencia stay (we thought we were being original, but it turns out most people have a mate called the tank). Far from being cruel, the Tank revelled in his new found fame and spent part of the holiday trying to impress the young ladies with his notoreity.

But the Tank wasnt always the Tank, back in college he has a sixpack which wouldn't look amiss on the promotional poster for 300, but his love for the food has ended all that.

Why am I talking about this now you might ask? Well, I discovered in the build up to Valencia, that a group of 8 fully grown heterosexual males can develop quite an unhealthy obsession with weight when they know they are going to be forced to parade in their undergubbins around one another, and it turns out that quite a number of us had turned to extreme dieting and long distance running regimes prior (1 week prior - probably too late) to our debut on the Spanish beaches. I could see the guys sizing each other up at the airport thinking "bugger it looks like Rob's been on the old treadmill a bit recently". Then the Tank arrived and it was all ok again.

Lucy said to me just before we went "dont you think its sad that the only reason you guys want to look good for the holiday is to impress one another? You're not even bothered about impressing any girls". I pondered this whilst waiting for my fake tan to dry and came to the conclusion - yes it is sad, but I dont make the rules.

So, its 8 weeks till Pete and I arrive in Indonesia, and Pete has already hinted that he is going to be hitting the gym before we go. So it looks like I'll be living off belly button fluff and pencil sharpener shavings for a while.

Anyway gotta go - my celery is getting cold...

Watt Blogger Template

Wow, made an amazing discovery today! Somebody sent me an email today saying:

"...If Google had a black screen, taking in account the huge number of page views, according to calculations, 750 mega watt hours per year would be saved."

In response Google created a black version of its search engine, called

Blackle, with the exact same functions as the white version, but obviously with lower energy consumption

Naturally I thought this was bollocks. However, as me and my colleague Si happened to have to correct bits of kit lying about (being an energy engineer), and being inquisitive - we decided to give it a go . And guess what? Its right!

Standard google pulled 94 watts of power whereas blackle pulled 74 watts. 20 watt difference (we also learnt it doesnt work for my laptop which with battery removed pulls 49W regardless).

Therefore I am going to start a world wide environmental campaign for dark blogs and a hate campaign against light blogs!

Note: this also means that I am superior to my brother Dan.

...and now back to the story

Being as the purpose of my blog was to keep anyone who was interested up to date on my progression across the globe, I have decided to post something related to my travels. So, part of the weekend was spent on Clapham Common with my enormous map of Indonesia, a variety of different guide books, my friends Pete and Alice, and most importantly, some beer.

(Note: this is Pete. I am far more attractive than this)

Whilst trying not to be distracted by bikinis and flying footballs, we came up with the following plan:

Manchester Mon 15th of October 10:00hrs, depart from Manchester Airport probably amid tears and arguments.

Singapore Tues 16th of October 06:00 hrs. This is where I will be spending the first 4 days of my trip. I have been advised, don't buy beer, or in fact anything as I will have to remortgage the house (or would have to if I had one).

Not sure what the deal is going to be here, but hopefully my friend Ania will be able to point win the right direction! I like the look of Pulau Ubin

After my 4 days in Singapore my friend Pete is then flying out from the UK on the 20th, he is then going to get straight onto another plane for Jakarta (the capital of Indonesia).

Jakarta Sat 20th October 21:00 hrs. According to my boss the Tanamur Disco is the place to be. According to the Rough Guide it attracts: expats, pimps, prostitutes, ladyboys, junkies, and the occasional traveller. Knowing this and knowing my boss, I may give this one a miss (though this is probably Pete's cup of tea ;-).

Planning on Mooching around the city for a few days. Potential highlights include Istiqlal Mosque and Jalan Surabaya

Bandung Mon 22nd October. There is an apparently very windy and picturesque bus journey up to this city in the hills of West Java. From here we hope to clamber a few volcanic peaks (i'm sure we will be bored of these by the end!)

Yogyakarta Weds 24th October is the next stop on our overland trip, and to be honest probably the bit I am most looking forward to! Yogya is apparently "where the Javanese language is at its purest, Java's arts at its brightest and its traditions at its most visible".From here we can get to Borobudur (if you click on one link, click on this one) and Prambanan, two of the most spectacular temples in the world.

If we have time, we will make one more stop (as yet undecided).

Semarang Friday 26th October - from here we will catch an internal flight to Kalimantan (Indonesian Borneo). A pain in the backside to get to , but well worth the visit is:

Tanjung Putan National Park 27th October. Pete gets very excited when you mention Orangutan to him. I am not sure whether this is because of his deep seeded beliefs in rainforest conservation, or because they are like the long lost brothers he never had.

Trekking through the jungles of Borneo has got to be the most exciting part of the trip. I for one am hoping to get Dengue Fever purely for the kudos (and because I heard that Antony from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers had it once). If not I will probably attempt to get bitten by a crocodile of some sort.

On our return from Tanjung Putan to Java, we will be heading into East Java. I for one have got my heart set on going to:

Gunug Bromo October 31st however. Although apparently we might not see much of it, due to the potential onset of the rainy season.

Next stop on our overland journey will take us (probably via a short boat ride) to the beautiful Island of:

Bali November 2nd where we will be taking in some of the cultural delights including the valley of Gunug Kawi and some of the mountains in the interior (as well as some of the beaches of course!).

Lombok is the sister island to Bali and I am told it is similar but without the Australians. This will certainly be on the agenda. Pete flies back to the UK on around the 15th of October - so until then we are free to roam...

The next part of the journey, is still pretty much undecided. I have no job, no contacts, an Australian passport, but no ties or agenda (and no Pete). I am thinking the first stop may be Melbourne, Brisbane or possible Cairns (I am told Sydney will sap all of my money away). But have no Idea!

Voting welcome!!!

So. We had our agenda planned. Then we celebrated...

Sunshine and Happiness

This is a picture of the walkway at Burley Park train station that caused lucy to trip up and break her elbow yesterday.


This is a picture of Lucy (complete with miserable face) who broke her elbow on the walkway at Burley Park train station yesterday.

This is a picture of the washing up that I now have to do for the next 6-8 weeks after Lucy broke her elbow on the walkway at Burley Park train station yesterday.

Whoever said that breaking bones was fun?

Eureka!

I was playing around on the internet at work today, and I came across this. It made me realise that ambient climate conditions have a significant impact on my life too.
I have no idea how people in hot countries do any work! I guess air conditioning is the key.