All I want is a decent nights sleep!

Following our little cat related mishap a few months ago, we decided that our current cat (who has always been around other cats) needed a new playmate as to be honest she seemed to spend more time around the neighbours house with their cat than she did at ours.

So we went back to the cat rescue place that we had been to previously. After some embarrassing questions about what happened to poor Beau, I asked about whether they had any discount card programme as because we seemed to be visiting so frequently, I thought we should be entitled so some kind of reward card. You know - like get 3 cats for the price of two or something.

Apparently this is not the way it works, and actually you are supposed to keep your cat for 16 years or some such period of time. 

I jest of course, but we did feel that we could house another rescue cat and provide some company to Ripley. They had a couple of cute cats, nay kittens there and we fell for a four month old tabby called 'Dude'. 'Dude' had been dumped at the shelter by 'some Chinese guy' possibly (as we later found out when 'Dude' came home) because of 'Dudes' psychopathically violent behavior!

So Dude came home with us and quickly became renamed as 'Lenny', though I was all for 'Hicks' as I thought 'Ripley and Hicks' would have been quite a cool combination. 

Unlike when we brought the cats home previously, Lenny was in no way nervous. In fact he settled straight into a routine of systematically attacking any exposed human body part at any given moment, with no regard to etiquette or accepted rules of engagement.

So much so that when Lucy lets the cats into the bedroom at night (aww they get lonely out in the corridor) Lenny will spend the entire night sitting on the pillow, attacking my face and arms, and god forbid, should you stick a foot out from under the covers, it will quickly end up with a cat-shaped attachment!

 

The only night I have managed to sleep this week was when I went on a business trip to Scotland. The only one who is not too bothered is Ripley, who will deal Lenny a simple head blow should he get too boisterous.  

Anyway I am in danger of being one of those annoying people who talks about their cat all the time, so shall end this post.

Lenny launches a surprise attack from the TV cabinet

The devil cat plot its next move...

Hours of Fun

I am soon to be off the blogging circuit for a week or two as I am heading off on holiday, first to Cyprus and then to Wales for a week of sun followed by a week of rain to cool my sun-burn. 

The Hadrians Walk event seems to be in full promotional rage at present, so one of the first things I need to do when I get back, is to whip team Bandicoot into shape. We are at present at around 18 interested parties I think, and I may just stop the recruitment activity at that (in order to preserve my own sanity whilst doing the organising).

So whilst I am away, I will leave you with a great game which was brought to my attention in Riga. It goes as follows:

1. Loosen your cheeks and shake your head from side to side as quick as you can
2. Take a photograph of yourself
3. Hold amusing props such as fists / cricket bats / beer bottles close to your face
4. Repeat for approximately 5 hours until you get a good photo

Our best result after hours of practice is below:

What Made Me Laugh Yesterday

Lucy and I were making our way to Blockbusters last night, knowing we had a fine to pay and arguing about whose fault it was as we couldn't remember. After deciding on our rentals (which is a lengthy process involving much negotiation), I asked the guy at the counter: 

"Do we not have some kind of fine to pay?"

The guy replied "yes, you have £4 outstanding for some crappy chick flick"

"I knew it!!!"

40 40s

I set up this blog as a means of tracking my move abroad last year. I took the plunge and emmigrated to Sydney well over a year ago now.

Then I emmigrated back again.

Beyond the Australia thing, I started a trend of writing about drunken exploits of my younger years, partly because I think they are funny, and partly because I don't want to forget them.

I tried to become a clever, fancy interneteer by converting my blogger blog to a Wordpress blog, I even enlisted my brother who has considerably more experience than me with Wordpress to help with the transfer. He will, incidentally not get paid for his efforts. I couldn't really be bothered to learn how to work Wordpress.

Following my return in September, the posts have kind of dried up, due to the amount of travelling I have been doing for my job and due to the lack of subjects more interesting than 'what I did at work today' posts.

So, I had been feeling that on this, the 202nd post, the blog had kind of lost its purpose. It was no longer functioning as I had at first intended it to (for example, not once in all this time do I remember posting anything about rabbits, or for that matter raisins).

However this week I have found my salvation! I got talking to one of my clients while over here in Canadia who said to me she may buy a bottle of Don Perignon (apologies for misspelling) at some point in January. I looked at here puzzled, for what reason?

Apparently it is on her 40 things to do before she is 40 list that she had written up with a group of her friends on some drunken night.

40 things to do before you are 40! What a brilliant, if completely cliched and unoriginal idea! Why didn't I steal that from somebody! Surely mine would be the only blog in the entire of the interweb that would contain such a fantastical concept.

Its a new year now. 2009 apparently. And technically I have only spent 2 days at home since the inception of the year, so tehnically I haven't had much time to think about a direction for the year. What a perfect time to think about such a list and create a new direction for the blog!

Why waste my time in trying to correct my character faults with new years resolutions that I won't keep, when I can simply arrange a list of single one-off events which will temporarily enrich my life for shortlived moments!

So I have begun a list on the right hand side of this blog. If I could figure out how to use Wordpress, I would set up a different page - but I really can't be arsed with all that.

Learn Some Life Skills

I always understood the need for a school uniform (perhaps more so as an adult than as a kid having to wear one). It’s a leveler of society. It doesn’t matter whether your parents are investment bankers or binmen, you all have to wear the same ridiculous garb. You find ways to customize it. Our’s involved pulling the white thread out of the tie, or wearing it small end out

However, in the more expensive private schools in Sydney (of which there are a few in North Sydney), they take the term ‘ridiculous garb’ to a whole new level! The kids get on my bus dressed in grey trousers, tie and blazer (I think we managed to get rid of our blazers in around 1992 at my school), which they wear neatly and appropriately (which I have never seen a kid do in England). But more than this, they have to wear the most stupid looking horrendous straw hats, complete with stripey black and white bands around the sides. The kind that look they might befit a 1920’s butcher. Complete with the tell tale white Ipod headphones they all have, they may as well have ‘mug me I’m soft’ written across their foreheads.

These kids are like nothing I have known, every morning when I get on the bus, they all line up perfectly ready to alight, and wait for the adults (of which I am apparently one now) to get on first – and they always get up to give you a seat. I just want to grab them by the shoulders and tell them ‘have a bit of a backbone! Rebel a little bit. Get on the bus first. You are wasting your childhood – go out a mug a few pensioners at night’. Well maybe not that last one.

A Blogging Right of Passage

Something that makes me smile, and seemingly something that all bloggers seem to do at some point - a brief look into the google searches that have brought people to my site (and therefore the searches for which my blog ranks highly on google):

"Rabbit farm technology" obviously after my secret insights into advanced cloning techniques.

"Cheers big ears" for some reason quite a few people have searched for this? I have unfortunately been relegated to 8th on google for this search from my previous third.

"Nice man photos" Nice photos of a man, or photos of a nice man? Should I be concerned?

"Will my boy hurt his babies?" this one is definitely a little worrying.

 "What they say about big ears" always with the big ears!

"Lombok mushrooms" If this person is going to Lombok, they are unlikely to miss the 'special mushrooms'

"Gili Islands ATM" definitely sympathise with this person and can categorically tell them that there is no ATM on the Gili Islands as we found out on our visit last November.

"Lying and stealing at work" maybe expecting a 'how to' guide

"What is a 60 degree angle?" erm...

"Hotel Jam-Jaman" (searched for on Indonesian google). hotel Jam Jaman is Indonesian for pay-by-the-hour hotel if you are interested in knowing what this person was after.

"Rabbit gadgets." 

Fight!

More consistent bloggers and regular users of the Interweb have probably heard of this one a number of times. When we were having a discussion at work about whether it was terrajoules or terajoules and the stupid spellchecker couldn't help us out, a colleague suggested that we use Googlefight to sort our problem. Basically the site compares how many hits on Google each word gets and then has a little graphic that hows a little fight to demonstrate the winner. The victor was the one we assumed to be the correct spelling.

So I spent the next half an hour on this and fought a number of words against one another. Unfortunately allthatcomeswithit whoops rabbitconfusedwithraisins by 1630 to 413 and Dan Hughes Beats Sam Hughes by 611,000 to 563,000 which was quite disappointing.

This could be something to do with the fact that Dan Hughes is an important conductor on the Pennsylvania Underground Railroad, Sam Hughes was the mere Canadian Minister for defence during World War 1 and apparently made some poor procurement decisions!?

Good looking guy though.

Anyone else got a Wiki counterpart?

Cycling Etiquette 101

I've been cycling to work about 2-4 times a week now probably since about January. 

What I didn't realize initially is that daily commuter type cyclists have unwritten rules of the road that every commuter is expected to know somehow automatically. However I am beginning to get a handle on things and I am getting to grips with what is expected of me. 

So - as a little guide to those who are, like me, trying to get a little fitter and avoid wasted time sitting in traffic queues I have tried to come up with a little guide to cycling in the city:

CITY CYCLING TIP No. 1: The Duel

The first and most important etiquette which needs to be observed when taking to the road on a pushbike is the rule of 'The Duel'.

The way 'The Duel' works is that the moment that another cyclist comes into view cycling in the same direction as you, there is a unwritten rule that dictates that you must cease your usual morning dawdle and pedal like hell itself. If you are behind the other cyclist, you must speed up and put all of the effort you can into overtaking, this is when the duel challenge is officially issued. 

If you manage to sneak up on your opponent cyclist prior to them noticing your presence this should go relatively smoothly. Should the cyclist spot your attempt before you manage to get past, then he has the right to take up the challenge and should attempt to cut off your overtaking manouvre by increasing speed himself. Once past said cyclist, then you have the right to re-capture your breath and slow down to the other cyclist's annoyance.

You know those guys in cars who simply cannot drive behind other cars? You know the ones? Are you one of them? The guys who will drive up your backside whether it be motorways or 'B' roads, and then when they get the chance they will overtake you and then proceed to slow down to equal or less than your speed? This is pretty much the same thing, except it is cycling gospel.

Note that it is doubly important to attempt 'the Duel' should you percieve your opponent to have a worse bike and / or be more unfit than yourself.

CITY CYCLING TIP No. 2: The Tighter the Lycra, The More Respect

This rule is simple. If somebody has lycra on (or if your are a lycra wearer too, has tighter lycra than you), they are better cyclists than you, regardless of how much of their flab might be hanging out of the side of their lycra, how slow they are going, or whether they are having a minor heart attack. As such they are not to be challenged in a Duel. 

If this situation should arrive, simply slow your speed down to that of the lycra wearer and pretend that you cannot keep up. the same goes for those cyclists that you may meet with >$1,000 drop handle racing bikes. Their bikes are better than yours and therefore faster - so what gives you the right to overtake them?

This is the only exception to the rule of The Duel.

CITY CYCLING TIP No. 3: Speed up to Impress

When passing work colleagues / friends / girlfriends (note if you are married this is no longer necessary) / general hot girls it is essential that you do your bit for cyclists everywhere and make every effort to speed up to the maximum velocity possible whilst portraying the minimal amount of effort on your face. This will impress people and make you more popular around the office / with the ladies. 

CITY CYCLING TIP No. 4: Group Cycling Dynamics

When cycling in a group with friends / colleagues / partners etc, it is important that you never show any kind of strain on your face regardless of tired you are. Try to go a little faster than your usual speed so that you can tire your cycling companions where possible and say things like "I could do this route twice!" or "I can probably go faster because my bike is lighter"

CITY CYCLING TIP No. 5: Engaging in Conversation

When engaging in conversation with other bikers, it is important that you can talk their language. Simply learn the names of a few manufacturers of specific bike kit and talk about them incessantly as if it was only the tip of the iceberg of your knowledge. Marvel over the build quality of the 'Acme 4th generation titanium gear levers', and other cyclists will be eating out of your hands.

Iron Man is Rubbish

Went to see Iron Man last night. It was absolute rubbish.










Only joking it was really good. Just wanted to see how many bloggers I could enrage.

On another note:

Just read that Boris Johnson is the new mayor of London. Whats next Krusty the Clown for Prime Minister!?

I dont know - you leave the country for a few months ...

In Which I Make My Mum Proud

Its retrospective Wednesday here at RCWR (Ok, it was supposed to be Monday but who is keeping track?)

You've probably heard me go on a bit about a place called the Old Court Brewhouse (or the Courthouse) in Huddersfield. A place I used to work during the holidays when I were a wee youngster at University (for about 3 years I think). It was a cool kind of place, I have many fond memories of working and drinking and generally having some of the best times of my life in there. 

Now the Courthouse used to have all kinds of customers. From alcoholics who would prop up the bar all day to Ralph Lauren wearing chavs. There were those who loved the variety of real ales, and those who loved the "Triple Spirits and Mixers for £1.99" all drinking together.

Triple Spirits and Mixers for £1.99 caused a lot of hangovers for  lot of people in those days. The spirits were made up of sub standard cheap versions of other more reputable brands. I forget most of their names apart the 'Napoleon Brandy' which was solely consumed by one of my supposed supervisors: Mushy of 'The Dales Walk' fame. In fact come to think of it, most of the Dales Walk crew are recovering Courthouse alcoholics!

Anyway, thats aside from the point - there were a total of four disgusting cheap spirit knock offs for sale under this most fabulous deal in those days: the aforementioned Napoleon brandy; vodka; white rum; and whisky. It didn't really matter which one you ordered because they were all equally as foul, and anyhow it just tasted like pure industrial cleaner.

I may have mentioned that this stuff is pure hangover juice - well on the day I am about to tell you about (or to be precise the day after) sometime in 2000 I think I had the worst hangover of my entire life!

I was out in Huddersfield unusually during term time and therefore was not working at the Courthouse (during term time I worked at the Faversham in Leeds which some locals may know), so was on a regular night out to which I had brought my unfathomably large (and unfathomably idiotic) rugby playing housemate from Leeds Uni. 

We went for a few beers (I think we hit up the College Arms, which as far as I am aware is the only place in Huddersfield that you can still get a pint for less than 2 quid), then moved on to a few places and were in the Courthouse by 11 o'clock or so, meeting up with The Nurse and his Mrs. We were  little tipsy, we met up with some old members of staff an things were going fine. that is until...

Now one thing you probably have to understand about me at this point is that I find it very hard to refuse a dare. In fact I am not very good with peer pressure at all. Thats why when The Nurse put a drink of what looked like a long vodka and coke or something similar, and dared me to down it in one - I did it.

Unfortunately, the drink did not contain a vodka and coke. Oh no - The Nurse had rather kindly gone around all of the tables (which were emptying at this point) and collected up the dregs of all of the glasses that were left unfinished (as you can imagine, on '£1.99 for  triple and mixer night' there were a lot of these!). It was one large cocktail of four extremely lethal knock off cheap spirits. I drank the lot, and I am proud to say - held it down. Thats when it started to go wrong.

Well, it didn't exactly go wrong at that point for me. The next thing I knew, I woke up in my bedroom at my parents house, full clothed (well thats a blessing at least) and with a headache which was something akin to the aftermath of a small nuclear explosion inside my skull.

I looked around. No housemate. He was supposed to be staying the night and I had no idea where he was. I noticed his mobile phone on the floor. And his housekeys for our place in Leeds. Whoops.

Meanwhile back in Leeds. The Housemate was awaking from a pretty terrible nights sleep. the last he had seen of the guy whose house he was meant to be staying at, was glimpses of him dancing away on his own in The Camel Club in Huddersfield before a fire alarm had gone off. Everyone had poured outside and he had lost sight of his companion. It was cold and he needed to get back. He had no idea where he lived, so the only way out of the cold winters night was to stump up the £50 taxi fee all of the way to Leeds. He looked around for an hour or so, but ended up getting the taxi.

Then came his next problem. He discovered he didn't have his keys. This was a problem for the house had fairly sturdy doors. He spent some time throwing an old tennis ball he found in the garden at the front windows in an attempt to rouse other sleeping housemates but to no avail. It turns out they thought it was drunks or burglars and got scared. Only one option - break down the back door! He got inside. Whoops he forgot that there was a locked internal door. He spent the night sleeping in the cold next to the chest freezer. We told the landlord somebody had tried to burgle us.

Later I made my way back to Leeds and made my apologies to my housemate, he was really mad. It had really been my fault that he had had to spend the night in the cold. I was ashamed but thought nothing of it.

A few days later I tried to withdraw some cash from the bank. I was shocked to find that there was £500 missing from my bank account, as a poor student that was a massive amount! I did some detective work and discovered that the £500 had gone missing at around 3am on the night in question. What happen there! 

I still had my bank card so it hadn't been used by anyone else. The only thing I could think of is that somebody had forced me to take money out of my account and give it to them. A taxi driver or something!? I always hated taxi drivers! I had thoughts of trawling the Huddersfield ranks trying to find the guy that had done this to me.

I went to the police and had them looking at CCTV around the suspected ATMs. So far as I am aware they spent days looking through the tape (though it is just as likely that they didn't bother). They came back with nothing! I was distraught!

There was nothing else for it, I was a poor student and couldn't afford to live without that £500 so I had to take drastic action! I had to do what all students have to do sometimes. I had to call my Mum and admit what I had done and try to borrow some money...

Me: "Hi Mum, I've got a problem"

Mum: "Whats that?"

Me: "err... I've lost £500 out of my bank account ... I was a little drunk and I think that somebody stole it... sorry...  could I borrow some money?"

Mum: "It good you called, I have been meaning to talk to you"

Me: "Why's that?"

Mum: "I found £480 on your bedside table the other day. I thought you were dealing in drugs"

Me: "!?"

I never did find out what really happened that night. All I know is that bastard of a taxi driver charged me £20 for a £12 fare!"

Table for One Please

Whilst in my old job, I spent quite a lot of time travelling to different places (usually chicken factories in Northern Ireland, or steel foundries in Gateshead). during this time, I became very familiar with dining alone (you gotta eat!). I mention this, as since my arrival in Sydney I have had to do this a couple of times to escape the monotony of sitting in a room with my book, or watching the local, badly tuned in (why are they always like this in hostels/hotels?) television.

I have spoken about this to a few of my friends (and my girlfriend) who are horrified that I do this. They would never even consider going into a pub or a restaurant without someone with them. I even have frineds who won't enter a bar on their own when meeting people, in case they are first. they have to meet outside. 'I always feel sorry for the guys who are eating on their own', is the usual comment.

Dont, is my response. Take one look into the eyes of that guy sat in his suit on his fourth pint of local ale, digging into his Chicken Madras. What you will see is peace.

This is the only time he gets to truly empty his mind, and think about what he wants to think about, such as Steve McLarens tactical mistakes, or whether to get the new iPod touch or not, or whether 50 midgets really would be able to overcome a lion in hand-to-hand combat (a common discussion topic amongst my friends, and one which causes many arguments). Plus he gets to eat what he likes, and drink as much as he wants. The true beauty of it all is that it is usually on company money!

While eating out on my own, I have spent an entire evening in Amsterdam (the only person in the restaurant) talking to the waitress about her children and getting loads of free drinks, I have sampled some enormous steaks in Northern Ireland, and more recently I went on a full night out in Bali on my own (not company paid for might I add), rolling in at 5am, talking with an Australian entrepeneur and leaving after refusing to go on to an after club-club.

But mostly at the moment, I just sit and eat spicy pizza, drink beer and think about Lucy.

So here's to the single diners.

A Sign from Above

I am as a general rule, easily amused. I was browsing through my camera and found that I had quite a few which had amused me:

London: For my friend Hardy.

Singapore: Only so funny because the punishment is so out of keeping with the crime!

Singapore: "Please touch the animals, kindly do not lift them out of the water", the only fish petting zoo that I have ever been to!

Jakarta: An Old Favourite

Yogyakarta: where is the temple again?

Yokyakarta: How about a refreshing bottle of sweat?

I also saw an amusing one with "Please do not enter the temple if you are menstruating", (with all due respect to religious traditions) it made me chuckle a little...

I am laying out a challenge to see if anyone can top these (internet downloads not allowed)?

Also I have managed to upload a limited amount of new photos. I will post these soon...