Cycling Etiquette 101

I've been cycling to work about 2-4 times a week now probably since about January. 

What I didn't realize initially is that daily commuter type cyclists have unwritten rules of the road that every commuter is expected to know somehow automatically. However I am beginning to get a handle on things and I am getting to grips with what is expected of me. 

So - as a little guide to those who are, like me, trying to get a little fitter and avoid wasted time sitting in traffic queues I have tried to come up with a little guide to cycling in the city:

CITY CYCLING TIP No. 1: The Duel

The first and most important etiquette which needs to be observed when taking to the road on a pushbike is the rule of 'The Duel'.

The way 'The Duel' works is that the moment that another cyclist comes into view cycling in the same direction as you, there is a unwritten rule that dictates that you must cease your usual morning dawdle and pedal like hell itself. If you are behind the other cyclist, you must speed up and put all of the effort you can into overtaking, this is when the duel challenge is officially issued. 

If you manage to sneak up on your opponent cyclist prior to them noticing your presence this should go relatively smoothly. Should the cyclist spot your attempt before you manage to get past, then he has the right to take up the challenge and should attempt to cut off your overtaking manouvre by increasing speed himself. Once past said cyclist, then you have the right to re-capture your breath and slow down to the other cyclist's annoyance.

You know those guys in cars who simply cannot drive behind other cars? You know the ones? Are you one of them? The guys who will drive up your backside whether it be motorways or 'B' roads, and then when they get the chance they will overtake you and then proceed to slow down to equal or less than your speed? This is pretty much the same thing, except it is cycling gospel.

Note that it is doubly important to attempt 'the Duel' should you percieve your opponent to have a worse bike and / or be more unfit than yourself.

CITY CYCLING TIP No. 2: The Tighter the Lycra, The More Respect

This rule is simple. If somebody has lycra on (or if your are a lycra wearer too, has tighter lycra than you), they are better cyclists than you, regardless of how much of their flab might be hanging out of the side of their lycra, how slow they are going, or whether they are having a minor heart attack. As such they are not to be challenged in a Duel. 

If this situation should arrive, simply slow your speed down to that of the lycra wearer and pretend that you cannot keep up. the same goes for those cyclists that you may meet with >$1,000 drop handle racing bikes. Their bikes are better than yours and therefore faster - so what gives you the right to overtake them?

This is the only exception to the rule of The Duel.

CITY CYCLING TIP No. 3: Speed up to Impress

When passing work colleagues / friends / girlfriends (note if you are married this is no longer necessary) / general hot girls it is essential that you do your bit for cyclists everywhere and make every effort to speed up to the maximum velocity possible whilst portraying the minimal amount of effort on your face. This will impress people and make you more popular around the office / with the ladies. 

CITY CYCLING TIP No. 4: Group Cycling Dynamics

When cycling in a group with friends / colleagues / partners etc, it is important that you never show any kind of strain on your face regardless of tired you are. Try to go a little faster than your usual speed so that you can tire your cycling companions where possible and say things like "I could do this route twice!" or "I can probably go faster because my bike is lighter"

CITY CYCLING TIP No. 5: Engaging in Conversation

When engaging in conversation with other bikers, it is important that you can talk their language. Simply learn the names of a few manufacturers of specific bike kit and talk about them incessantly as if it was only the tip of the iceberg of your knowledge. Marvel over the build quality of the 'Acme 4th generation titanium gear levers', and other cyclists will be eating out of your hands.